5 Things to Never Eat Undersea

So, you're hiding  undersea. Maybe you're running from some watery form of the mafia. Or a hammerhead shark. Or maybe, like many sprites and humans before you, you just like it here. But at some point, you'll start to feel faint, your stomach will rumble, and you'll grab the nearest fish or plant and wonder--will this stuff kill me if I eat it?

Never fear, Surviving the Deeps will come to your rescue with timely tips (preferably read beforehand).

WHAT NOT TO EAT

1. Barracuda. When these long, slimy creatures bare their teeth at you from holes in a nearby reef, you may, quite understandably, take a snap at them for their impudence. We strongly caution against this. Not only might they bite you first, but barracuda sometimes carry the poison, ciguatera, in their flesh, which makes them deadly to eat. How to tell if a barracuda is carrying the poison? You can't. Don't eat 'em.

   

   Barracuda

   
2. Triggerfish. These skinny fish come in many different colors and sizes. Some bear leopard-patterned scales on top and big white spots on their sides. Others can be yellow with iridescent splashes of pink and blue. Unfortunately, they don't taste nearly as good as they look. Well, actually they might, but no one who eats them lives long enough to tell.

   

   Triggerfish

3. Sea Slug. You might think you'd never consider eating a sea slug (and frankly, we don't recommend it), but you never know what you might try when serious hunger strikes. These stripey critters are quite flashy and would slip down your gullet with ease. The only problem is that their poison would then spread through your body with equal ease. So don't try grabbing them for a quick snack! You'll regret it.

   

   Sea Slug (Nudibranch)

4. Sea anemone. These look like pretty flowers, swaying along the reef. But they'll sting you, sure as sunshine. Unless, of course, you're a clownfish. But even then, only certain clownfish can safely swim among certain anemones. Unwelcome visitors still get zapped.

   

   Sea Anemones

5. Zoanthids. Like many other sea creatures, these reseemble various types of plants, from mat-like algae to showy flowers. But even in small amounts, many zoanthids are toxic, whether they are eaten or simply brushed against an open wound. So steer clear!

   

   Dragon Eye Zoanthid

As always, Surviving the Deeps, accepts no responsibility for poisonings, bites, maimings or rashes.

Upcoming Lesson: What to eat and how not to be eaten undersea.

Until next time, swim free, dive deep, and stay alive!

What foods taste like poison to you?

How to survive in an Underwater Volcano

If you ever have the misfortune of being cast into an underwater volcano, here's what you should do.

Underwater volcano credits: volcano, sea

First, take note whether the volcano is dormant or active. In most cases, this is easy to ascertain. Have you landed in or are you dangling over a pool of molten lava (hot, orange, smelly)? Are there glowing fissures or slow lava leaks on any interior surface of the crater? Is steam wafting from any cracks? What about bubble curtains or a sulfurous smell? (Keep in mind that we are only considering the volcano's inside since you'd be hard pressed to examine its exterior.) Also, if a scalding wave spews you from the top of the volcano, it's active. You have also escaped. Congratulations.

But if none of these evidences are present, I'm happy to say you are in a dormant volcano (We will not be held liable for damages due to spontaneous eruptions). In this case, you are free to scale the wall and simply swim away. Of course, the usual cautions apply to deep ocean diving. Watch out for giant tubeworms, sneaky sprites, and carnivorous coral. And giggly mermaids, who are just irritating. You may also want to keep an eye out for whoever threw you into the volcano in the first place. Then swim away as fast as your assorted arms, legs, or fins will take you.

If, on the other hand, you are in an active, steam-smoke-lava producing volcano, you may well be dead. Our condolences. On the slim chance that you have survived, this is our advice. If you are a power mage of any kind (shock, luminescent or shield), you have a great advantage. Shockers and lumins need only absorb the power emanating from the lava. Shield mages must immediately raise barriers to protect themselves. Once this is accomplished, your barrier will absorb the energy pounding its surface, thus enabling you to maintain your shield indefinitely. Or, at least, until you grow hungry or bored. In the interest of avoiding an accidental lapse in protection, it is advisable for shield mages to exit the volcano promptly, regardless of how comfortable or fascinating its glowing fires may seem.

Even shockers and lumins may crave a release from their volcanic experience. Take care not to be led astray by salamanders, firefish, or other indigenous creatures. They only want to lure you to your death (and their dinner). The most common problem for mages trapped in volcanos (other than pain, suffering, and ultimately, death) is that they become disoriented and can't find their way out. It's understandable, what with all the lava plumes and blinding steam. Many a sprite has been tempted to take a rest on the comfy pillow lava. But you must not give in to this impulse.

Instead, remember the law of gravity. Gather a handful of pebbles (preferably not melted) and drop one. Unless it is caught in a heated current, it will drift slowly to the crater floor. You should swim in the opposite direction, toward the top of the volcano. If, however, the pebble moves swiftly, this is a sign that it is caught in a heated updraft, or possibly even an eruption. You should then follow the pebble until you lose sight of it. Repeat this process until you clear the volcano's rim.

At this point, you should swim away as fast as you can (as explained above) and hunt down the moron/enemy/older brother or whoever dumped you in this mess. Also, please see a healer for any scrapes, burns, blisters or infections.

Once again, we at Surviving the Deeps are delighted to impart our oceans of wisdom. We regret we cannot provide follow-up support for volcanic accidents of any kind.

Upcoming lesson: What to eat and how not to be eaten in the Deep Sea

Until next time, swim free, dive deep, and stay alive!

 Why would someone throw you into a volcano?

Taming Taurocamps and other Magical Creatures

Taurocamp Credits: bull, sea background

If you’ve never ridden a bellowing, snorting taurocamp through the Pacific, you’ve never lived. There’s nothing like reining in the power of a magical beast as you sail in and out of kelp forests, over seamounts and around submerged volcanoes. But for most explorers, human and sea sprite alike, the burning question is—how do I get one?

There are two possible ways. Renting, of course, is the easiest and safest option. But this can be an expensive and complicated proposition involving mages and enchanted contracts. How do you save up enough pearls for such a splurge? And what if the mage demands a cutting of your hair, a drop of your blood, or even worse—the chance to name your first child? I know of a sprite whose mother agreed to that. He ended up being called Whaledung. As an adult, he managed sanitation at the Deep Pacific Aquarium, but no one took him seriously.

However, experts agree that if your needs are pressing, and you bear no magic yourself, taurocamp rental is the best alternative. It’s also an attractive choice for mages who have not yet tamed a mount of their own or prefer to avoid the risk.

On the other hand, if you’re feeling bold and place minimal value on your life and limbs, tracking and taming taurocamps can be quite rewarding. They are commonly found in the shadowy glades of the kelp forest, traveling in herds. Take care not to startle them or you may trigger a stampede. Instead, creep into their territory and observe their behavior patterns. Are they restless?  Fighting one another? Or simply grazing? If they’re asleep, swim away without disturbing them. The last thing you want is to wake them from their pleasant dreams. Enraged taurocamps are a sight to behold, their horns lowered, furious bubbles streaming from their nostrils as their scaly tails thrash through the water. But this is not the time to tame them. Wait until they’re awake, placidly chewing their cud. Then set out a pile of fresh-cut seaweed.

Once you’ve gained their trust, isolate one of the beasts by luring it away from the herd with small piles of grain. Kelp seed works just fine. This is when you draw on your magic, especially if the taurocamp stiffens its fins, lowers its head and barrels toward you. The key is to lasso it with your enchanted leather rope (you did bring one, right?) then leap onto its back. It is perhaps an understatement to advise you not to fall off. If you do, it’s game over. But if you somehow manage to hold on to the bucking bull (or cow, as the case may be) until it bonds with you, you will have a magical steed with which to sails the seven seas for the rest of your life. If you don’t, you will have a magical steed intent on killing you for the rest of your life, which will be disappointingly short.

Watch for signs that your taurocamp is bonding with you. These include a sudden drop in bucking, a decrease in snorts and bellows. Once the taurocamp becomes motionless save for the occasional attempt to nuzzle your or nip affectionately at your knees, the danger is over, the mastering complete. All that remains is to forge a fierce friendship with your magical beast. This is best accomplished through years of exploration and battling deep-sea monsters.

Note to nonmagical explorers: If you are brave and have plenty of time, you may want to employ (persuade, threaten or bribe) a mage to help you. Just be sure they won’t flee if the taurocamp attacks. Another (safer) option would be to tame an aigicamp (goat head, fish tail) instead. Although they are far less respected among undersea society, they are still useful creatures and rarely kill anyone.

Aigicamp Credits: goat, tail, markings, sea, ripples

Surviving the Deeps is pleased to offer you this vital deep-sea training. May it keep you safe, happy, healthy and alive. In the unfortunate event that it does not, Surviving the Deeps accepts no responsibility for pain, suffering, or anything else remotely unpleasant. No animals were harmed in the development of this taming guide, although a few employees lost their fingers.

Coming soon: How to survive in a submerged volcano.

Until next time, swim free, dive deep, and stay alive!

What creature would you like to ride through the sea?

How to Survive a Shock Mage Attack

Surviving the Deeps

Life-saving tips on Fighting Shock Mages

** For reasons beyond our control, we are unable to rule out loss of life or limbs **

1. First and foremost, avoid contact with angry shock mages, even if that means you must leave the ocean. Bring sunscreen and a change of clothes so you can blend in with the humans (Please disregard if you are human already).
2. If contact with an irate shocker is unavoidable, try reason. Or even better, appeal to their kinder nature, telling tall tales as need requires. Many relate well to stories of suffering, so look as downtrodden as possible.
3. If both reason and pity fail, your best plan is to duck and run. Hone your underwater ninja skills beforehand. That way you can spin, leap, and dive even in the high-pressure environment of the deep sea.
4. If your explorations are likely to bring you in contact with shockers, dress appropriately. This means rubber wet suits. If these are unavailable in your part of the ocean, they can be purchased topside. Be sure to insist on heavy-duty anti-conductive suits. Another option is to craft a shield from rubbery shock-resistant sea weed.
5. Befriend other local sprites, paying particular attention to barrier mages (Who wouldn’t mind hiding behind a friend now and then?). Be sure to thank them with a bag of Jelly Smacks (small, chewy, sweet jellyfish), always a crowd pleaser.
6. If you are a shifter of camo mage, use your talents to disguise yourself and those around you. They’ll be grateful.
7. Healers should turn their powers against the shock mages and disable them through temporary paralysis. Please note, Surviving the Deeps cannot endorse any acts of violence except in self-defense.
8. Elementals such as mistral mages should toss attacking shockers off course with a watery blast.
9. When all else fails, summon your magical mount for a quick escape. Haven’t tamed one yet? See next lesson. In the meantime, I hope you brought aloe to soothe your burns!
10. AVOID THE GRAVEYARD SEAMOUNTS (hideout of vicious shock mage, Abaddon) AT ALL COST!!!

Known Shockers

• 
  

  lightning images by untodarkness
  Abbadon: Leader of the Pacific Ring crime syndicate. Extremely powerful. No tolerance for whining.
• Kailey Veil: Student at TIDES. Suspiciously powerful. Known sucker for a sob story.
• Invidia Strand: Student. Spiteful. Superstitious. Shock skills pale in comparison to her intimidating glare.
• Season Longnight: Student. Much weaker than his ego lets on. No compassion. Delicate sense of honor.

Surviving the Deeps assumes no liability for electrical damage including but not limited to: ruined property, altered mental states, brain damage, death, or permanently frizzed hair.

Upcoming Lesson: Taming Taurocamps

Until next time, swim free, dive deep, and stay alive!!

How would you fight off a shock mage?

http://www.deviantart.com/art/Lightning-Pack-43417452

How to Survive a Rusalka Attack

Rusalka by Ivan Bilibin Wiki Creative Commons

Here at Surviving the Deeps, we provide the safest, most risk-free environment for deep sea exploring, treasure hunting and monster observation (Please see exclusions below).

Today’s topic is “How to Survive a Rusalka Attack.” This is an essential lesson for any undersea adventurer.

When swimming deep in the Pacific, you may find yourself face-to-face with a host of hungry ghouls such as Rusalka. 

They may seem friendly enough, admiring your braids or your brawny muscles. But don’t be fooled. These lovely demons will eat you if given the chance.

 I know, I know, they’ll tell a sob story first. They were beaten with licorice sticks or bullied by bears and had to escape to the sea (and death). It’s sad, no doubt about it. But don’t let your guard down. I can assure you, they won’t.

You’ll know they’re moving in for the kill when they start swaying in unison, their long white hair drifting back and forth in a hypnotic way. Then their eyes go dark (or sometimes blinding white, just to mix things up) and they pounce!

  

The key is to interrupt these mesmerizing movements before you’re enchanted, becoming easy prey. How to do this? Light. Rusalka fear even the thought of a life in daylight. But how do you find light so deep undersea?

If you’ve forgotten to bring a luminescent mage or a shocker, your best bet is to catch some bioluminescent jellyfish or krill. These are plentiful in the Pacific and not nearly as tough to catch as lanternfish, who are really trying to catch you.

Another option is to bring along a mind mage who might trick the ghoulish gals into thinking they’re being scorched by sunlight. They’ll back off right away.

As always, Surviving the Deeps, assumes no legal responsibility for enchantment, hypnosis, death or dismemberment, whether by Rusalka or other nightmarish creatures such as the leviathan or voodoo demons. 

Next lesson: How to Fight a Shock Mage

Until next time, swim free, dive deep, and stay alive!!

What topics would you like covered in this new Surviving the Deeps blog series?