What if political debates were held at underwater venues?

Potential voter prepping for undersea event

·         What to wear:

·         Formal diving gear comes across as too highbrow. Instead, candidates should wear swim trunks or bathing suits, thus endearing themselves to the common swimmer. Unfortunately, those with bulging bellies run the risk of offending the health-conscious surf crowd. These candidates should  sport dreadlocks to camouflage their girth and reel in the surf vote, although polling indicates that surfers are not easily lured. Thong bikinis and speedos must be avoided at all cost.

·         To best manage hair: Crew cuts are recommended so that billowing bangs won’t detract from a candidate’s message. However, fishtail braids are appropriate for any candidates not interested in shorter styles.

·         Preventing drift:

·         The entire venue must be anchored. This will prevent the debate from shifting all over the ocean floor. This may also keep candidates from drifting with ever changing political currents.

·         For their safety, candidates must be tethered  to their podiums to keep them from floating away or surfacing at inappropriate times. Ideally, this will inspire them to be equally tethered to their ideas, keeping in mind that flipping and flopping are only acceptable underwater.

·         Health concerns:

·         Helmets or facemasks with built-in microphones and oxygen supply must be provided. Any candidate who loses their train of thought or speaks aggressively or irrationally must have their oxygen levels checked to be sure that their supply is adequate.

Where would you like to see political debates? On the moon? At Hogwarts or Mt. Olympus?